Who You Calling A Hick?
By David Leonhardt
For the last time, I live in the country, not in the sticks. And
I am relaxed, not a hick.
Ever since we moved to the country, I get the feeling you city-
folk are confused. So here is a primer on what it means to be
living in the country.
When you walk three blocks from your house in the city, you will
be in another neighborhood...and possibly lost. We'll be
approaching our next-door neighbor's front porch.
The neighbors are no trouble at all. Sure they play hard rock
heavy metal blow-your-brains out music all evening...but the
birds and the crickets drown out the racket.
Our neighbor across the road has a sign that stays lit up all
night: Bert's Auto Repair. He no longer does auto repair, but he
doesn't do sign removal either. See? We have a downtown, too.
We don't need streetlights. We already have the stars, thank you
very much. What do you mean, "What are stars?"
You have gangs in the city. Every now and then, somebody loses
an ear, a few fingers or a loved one. Ha! We have gangs, too.
Our gangs eat the field mice. Bet your gangs won't do that for
you.
Don't be shocked if you see a free-range skunk waddling across
our front lawn on the way over there. We might not have major
league baseball, but who says we can't have a mascot? And our
theatre nights don't cost us much. Most of the crickets and
lightening bugs play for free.
Sure, I'll mow the lawn. Remind me next month.
By the way, it's called a septic tank, not a skeptic tank. And
yes, Irma Bombeck was right. And so are the weeds.
Every Monday morning I go for a hike. I tie up my laces. I put
on my cap. And I grab hold of two heavy bags. Then I walk. And
walk. And walk. And just when I feel like I can carry the bags
no farther, I reach the end of the driveway. Yes, Monday is
garbage day.
Out here, we ride our mowers and push our brooms. In the city,
we hear you do the reverse.
You go to the grocery store to get your food. We cut out the
middle man. We pick our own raspberries (both black and red) out
back. And out front. And down the hill. And over in the woods.
We grow our own apples; in fact, the trees might give fruit by
next year...hopefully.
And when we're in the mood for chicken, we sit silently at the
property line with a hatchet, waiting for a stray bird to
accidentally wandering under the fence. Or we drive to town for
some KFC.
It's true. The nearest grocery store is seven miles away. But
it takes me only seven minutes to get there...which is how long
it took me to get out of the condo parking lot when I lived in
the city.
We don't need bars. We have bonfires. The action gets pretty
hot, especially when we have plenty of wood to burn. And who
needs alcohol when you can just stand downwind from the fire?
We don't worry too much about breathing in pollution. There's
not much of that around here. But we do keep our mouths closed
when the mosquitoes are swarming.
Lady bugs are very pretty, but not when there are 30,000 of them
squeezing their way into your walls. If only they ate mosquitoes
We have mice. You have rats. Mice are cuter.
Too bad they don't eat mosquitoes.
Sure I commute. What do you think we have a staircase for?
Don't get me wrong, the city's a great place for theatre,
basketball and fancy restaurants that serve you itsy bitsy
morsels on huge white plates with sweeping splashes of colored
sauces.
But have you ever noticed how very few depictions of paradise
include skyscrapers, traffic lights and hot dog vendors? Come
pay us a visit and you can enjoy paradise all to yourself...if
you don't mind sharing it with the chickens, the skunk, the
crickets, the mice and the mosquitoes.
Excuse me now. I have a mouse trap to empty.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
David Leonhardt publishes A Daily Dose of Happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.htmlRead his personal growth articles at:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.htmlVisit his Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store:
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.netOr his happiness web site:
http://www.thehappyguy.comABOUT THE AUTHOR: (in HTML)
David Leonhardt publishes
http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html>A
Daily Dose of Happiness ezine. Read his
http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html>
personal growth articles, visit his
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net>liquid vitamins
site or his
http://www.thehappyguy.com>happiness
site.
David Leonhardt
The Happy Guy
Info@...http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
